discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Also, beer. Big fan.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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