Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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