im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
