I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
