my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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