I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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