Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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