just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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