Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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