The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
