this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
