i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
