My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I need to wash the frat house off of me
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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