I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
