imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
