Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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