Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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