It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
