If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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