Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
sarcasm needs its own font
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
