i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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