every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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