So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
