her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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