sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
