YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Drunk is a universal language darling
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize