Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
