why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
