He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
