Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
