I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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