I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
