don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
