In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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