"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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