he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
