youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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