you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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