he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
