We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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