Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize