Christians are straight up FREAKS
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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