In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
