When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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