i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
