If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I need to wash the frat house off of me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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