So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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