I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
