Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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