whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize