would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
