I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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