tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
