i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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