You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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