dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
