i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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