She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
