he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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