you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
