Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
