If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize