my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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