I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
