At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
