I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
