I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize