if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
