The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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