break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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