The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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