is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize