Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
