Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
