you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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