That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
