my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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