He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
