im six kinds of drunk right now
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
