Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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