Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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