His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
