Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
