im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
