I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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