Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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