I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize