Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
