I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
