My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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