I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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