He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
