you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
