i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
