I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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