She is in my trunk
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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