she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize