im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
